Amidst the celebration of the holidays is a darker and much more sinister side: a surge in domestic violence. Doctors, police, and shelter administrators tend to blame a host of factors, including financial pressure, family-related stress, and increased alcohol drinking. This is an issue with frighteningly broad reach. A friend of mine recently had her life destroyed by a loved one. I've been a bit hesitant to write about this because it's so close to home, but I don't want to sweep the issue under the rug, either.
This is a painful problem. It's hard to imagine that a loved one could be dangerous. Violence is disturbing enough when perpetrated by strangers, but it's all the more difficult to deal with when it's at home. At the same time, violence at home is an embarassing thing to admit. No one wants to believe how close to home the problem can be. Particularly around the holidays, there's tremendous social pressure to put up a good front. As a result, potentially dangerous situations are sometimes left to fester, and serious warning signs are ignored.
Silence makes domestic violence all the more easy to ignore, though, and I believe it's our obligation to make the problem visible, and to keep an eye out for our friends and loved ones. If you or someone you know might be suffering from an abusive relationship - whether committed or not, whether physically or emotionally abusive, whether straight, bi, or gay, whether a romantic relationship or otherwise - then please, please, seek help. Domestic violence comes in a very wide range of forms, and while men perpetrating violence against women within heterosexual relationships is certainly and disturbingly common, no type of relationship is immune. The phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Don't hesitate, and don't turn a blind eye.
Like many problems, domestic violence seems painfully personal, but it is also a symptom of a deep social illness. From our society's disturbing taste for violent degradation of women in movies and TV, to our inability to adequately fund services for those suffering from mental illness and drug and alcohol addiction, to the expectations we place on women and girls to pursue domestic bliss above all, to the inabilities of many cultural institutions to identify and adequately respond to potentially dangerous situations, there are certainly many factors to blame. As someone who's keenly interested in social and political reform, I'm tempted to write more about this side of the problem. But more importantly, I urge you to seek help, whether for yourself or for your loved ones.
This post is dedicated in loving memory of a friend. Please, stay safe and keep an eye out for friends and family.
